Falling off the wagon is easy. It’s too easy. Especially when ‘go on…it’s Christmas/new year’ is the catchphrase of every chocolate/biscuit wielding person you meet!!
My will power right up until Christmas eve was iron clad. I had set days I knew I was going to be off plan but I was prepared. I got straight back on the Horse the next again day. Then Christmas eve came. We had a stressful day as my wee gran had a fall – fractured her cheek bone and had us all in a&e for a good few hours. We got home. Got fish&chips and had a glass of wine. Not a terrible choice…but not good.
Then Christmas Day. Again not terrible as I could have been but still not on plan. I had some level of self control at dinner and stopped eating when I was full (Not overfull!!) That being said I had an empire biscuit for breakfast – self control be damned!!
My plan was always to have these 2 days with my family, enjoying myself, not worrying about what I was eating. Back on it on Boxing Day!!
Good intentions and all that.
Boxing Day – Not on plan.
27th – 30th – not on plan. I had good meals but i also had bad meals. Bad habits creeping back in. Picking at things just because they are there. Boredom eating rather than amusing myself with something (and I have plenty I can be doing!)
31st – Not on plan. This was a planned day off. I was always going to have time off plan today. These count as one of my 5 a day though right??
1st Jan (happy New year) again always going to be a day off plan. My self control has evaporated. I’m not sure exactly when I lost it either. I’ve fallen off the wagon so many times in the past 2 weeks I’ve lost count and I’m getting sick of climbing my ass back on the bloody horse. After dinner I was fine. A bit full but not over-full. Then I was dishing out the dessert. I stood looking at my slice for a solid 5 minutes – debating whether or not to eat it. That right there should have been the giveaway, I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t really want it, but ‘it’s new year – I’ll just have it’ was what went through my head. As well as ‘back on the diet tomorrow so if I don’t have it now I won’t get it’.
The reasonable part of me (who had been flattened by the greedy bitch in my head) was trying to scream at the top of her voice ‘that mentality got us in to this mess in the first place ya daft %$#’ … but her loudest wasn’t loud enough clearly as I ate that damn cake. I enjoyed it. But felt rotten afterwards. I had a bloated belly (proper food baby look going on!) and generally felt meh!!
I’m now at home. Lying in bed thinking about where I am now and how far I’ve managed to come. I’m not going to let this be as far as I come on this journey. I want to get to the finish line. I can’t do that unless I pick myself back up and get my ass back on the Horse.
So tomorrow that’s exactly what I am going to be doing. I am going to get weighed. It will be a gain. I’m going to draw a line in the sand and move on from it. What ever I gain and then some will be lost the following week!!
I’m starting the #cwp60day challenge on January 2nd. I have no reason or excuse to not stick to this 100% for the next 60 days.
I have 35lbs to lose. My goal is to have that weight gone in the 60 days. This is not an unachievable goal.
I’m going to do it.
Feel free to follow my Instagram (www.instagram.com/deb.cwp) to follow my journey through the challenge and pull me up if it looks like I’m gonna fall off the wagon!!!
Thank you so much to everyone for your support and kind words in 2017 …. let’s make 2018 even better!