February 2015. My significant other and I decide along with my sister and Dad that we are going to join the local Slimming World group.
Wednesday night is weigh day. We go. Sign up and get weighed for the first time this journey.
16st5 … what!?!? I can honestly say what went through me was a combination of wanting to punch the consultant in the face, you know because this was her fault! Combined with utter disappointment in myself.
Ok. Let the ritual commence. This is going to be the heaviest scales will ever read! I am never going to be this heavy ever again. I am 100% motivated to get this weight off! I mean it this time. I. Am. On. It!!! Blah balh blah.
Weigh ins came and went. The weight was relatively consistently coming off. I was still having Wednesday night Twighlight Zone meals but was 100% sticking to the diet (except on a Wednesday night – you’re allowed a treat on weigh day!). I was finding this one a lot easier to follow than others. I am pescetarian – so liked that fish could be used freely. I am also a big carb lover so pasta is a big part of my diet. A diet with UNLIMITED PASTA! How could I not succeed at this!! This diet was made for me.
I’d never lost more than 1.5st on any given diet. I was determined this time it was going to happen. Time went on and from Feb 2015 – May 2015 I was on fire, 2.5st off!! I was so happy and totally motivated.
Then at the end of May 2015 I lost all motivation.
My uncle went missing. He was found approx. 14 hours after he had last been seen by anyone. He had lost control of his car en route home, crashed and died instantly.
Devastated doesn’t come close.
We all gathered daily at my grans house. People visited, offered their condolences and brought with them sympathetic smiles, cakes and biscuits. Let’s face it we didn’t know what the hell we wanted or needed so how must these poor visitors have felt? Coming in trying to offer us something to make it better – that something didn’t exist, still doesn’t. Each and every friendly face was 100% welcome and appreciated! Small communities are amazing in times like that. Cooking was the furthest thing from anyone’s mind so it was takeaway after takeaway supplemented with the many cakes and biscuits.
Time passed. Tried to get on with life and back on the diet..back to normal. Starting to succeed too, then all is thrown back into turmoil. The PM results were in, body was released, after what felt like a lifetime we were finally able to plan a funeral. I didn’t care at this point what I ate. Didn’t care of it was healthy. If it made me feel better it was a win.
I debated going back. Life is too short for this shit. Who cares about your weight when you could be dead tomorrow? Right? I was working my way through the stages of grief. Finally I came to acceptance and I thought long and hard about things. There’s a history of diabetes on one side of my family and serious heart troubles on the other. What was I doing? If I kept going the way I had been with weight gain I was guaranteeing myself to inherit these problems. I needed to do it whether I wanted to or not.
It took me a while. 5 months to be exact. In October 2015 I re-made my initial promise and said I was never again going to reach that 16+ stone weight where I started off! I’d gained about a stone. I decided for Christmas I wanted to get back on track and get to 3st off. Totally achievable – 19lb in 12 weeks. I Just needed to stick to it. My boyfriend was my rock through all of this. He kept his own motivation whilst trying to keep me even a little focused (not an easy job!) He had reached his target having lost an amazing 5.5st – he looked and felt fab. He was my thinspiration! By Christmas I’d lost 14 of my 19lb. I was happy as at least I’d lost. It took me another few months to get to the 3st off.
The lowest weight I managed to achieve was 13st3lb. That was a total loss of 3st2lb. Im not entirely sure where it all went wrong with this one. The weight loss slowed down. I stopped trying. At no point did the complacency kick in. I didn’t pretend I was going to go it alone. I just stopped. Honestly though after that I initial loss of momentum almost a year before I gave up – I never really got back on the horse.
I joined and re-joined multiple times over the next year. My weight creeping back up each time. All were failed attempts and I eventually just gave up.
I had done so well. I just lost faith in the diet and my ability to do it. By the end of this journey I’d gone from 16st5 -> 13st3 -> 14st10…